Pretend date

She tried to set us up for one of those coffee joints. Like hell, I don’t need that overpriced crap. So then I’m sitting waiting for her at Long’s, my favorite dive. I’m sitting there, hoping a real Baby Girl shows up, someone maybe I’ll be able to whisper sweet nothings to and, instead, in walks this Allanis Morrisette-type with wild, kinky hair, no bra and sandals. Seriously, are there no real girls out there who wear the stilettos? Is that too much to ask?

Well, I’m gonna try, of course. Whaddo I have to lose? We’re in paradise after all. Even if she’s not much of a bet for down the road, she might end up a decent drive-by.

So she sits. I can tell she’s already thinking this is not so good. She’s nervous and tries to order some stupid thing Long’s wouldn’t be caught dead having. I try to pull her out a little asking her about her job, if she has kids. I say, Baby girl, whaddya do to bring in the bacon? She looks at me like I’m talking Martian then launches into what sounds like a sermon or a speech about some save-the-whales or dolphins or snails thing. Are there actual jobs like that? It doesn’t make any sense to me so I tell her what I do: front-end loader driver. Well, not right now cuz I was laid off but normally that’s what I do. Unemployment’s good enough for me right now. Gives me time to set up some uh these meet and greets. Christ, I have run into some doozies doing this.

Anyways she has nothin’ more to say, I guess, except that she’s not a girl or a baby or my dear. I can see she’s not even gonna end up a driveby so I kick back and let her squirm. It’s too bad, she’s not bad lookin’. I mean, if I can find the right Baby Girl, I’ll be loyal as a dog. But I can see she’s one of those who thinks most men have fleas. I wonder why she even came.

I did really crappy at this. I did pick out someone I would never go out with and had a hard time empathizing. I'll probably try again when I don't have a deadline.